~ Writings and Poetry ~


~ Mayashiro ~
The summer nights, lit alive, by the eyes of wondering
by the wreckless mind of pleasured suffering
Stand still, take the kill, break their hearts until they bleed
Forced to cry out in obscurity

Look alive, learn to die, unsatisfied
Know that your time's running off, with us

When all of my comforts fade at your beck and call
We wish for our chains to break, and our hearts to fall
We're melting in frozen names, and half-hearted breaths
Like moths being drawn flames, we will not forget
I won't forget


~ Blackboard Eraser ~
Hairline trigger, cold ice heels
Line your lies with the hearts you steal
A heart ruled by heaven
A mind ruled by hell
You never could get it
You always did well

Spinning lines and tired sighs
Give me up and let me go
Wake me up and keep me rising
Start me up and walk alone


~ Owlie ~
I chain birds to the ground
I bring them to my level
Rotting like the lillies I've broken
I feel a single remorse

Promise me this
Ask your questions another time
I'll answer then, I swear
Until then, keep your eyes closed
And I'll stay, we'll stay the same


~ Whisper ~
Eyes of rose and wilted sapphire
The scent of melted eyeliner
Tell me if our noose is tight
If only you could see
We were never meant to save each other
Shooting stars are meant to fade
Wishes have to be made somehow
But you were still my star


~ Sun Riser ~
The past caught inside me
The light of a burning forest
The scent of fresh gasoline

A rising sun never seen
A murderer through touch
A curse for the light

Smeared lipstick, melted ruby
Petals and roses, blood and dust
Broken screens, a dying predator
Those are the lies I hold dear
Those are the only ways I can describe her.


~ cherry ~
Sheltered and rescued, stuck in the rain
My senses fail me, the air is dark
I just want to see it, one last time
Muzzle my words, I accept it all
Be it wolf or jackal, I reside
Old dogs don't learn new tricks
I grew tired of your howling hell
Break this collar, and I'll bite back


~ Lucy ~
Sifted like grain, crushed up and spat out
Grasp at straws, search for lies hidden in truths
You know you'll never find them, we all know that
You're a slave, chained to the past, bound to the future
Subject to the words of a woman in your head
Time's running out, for you, and for them

Watch yourself, watch the skies
Look for solace in words that weren't written for you
An endless trial, constantly flying downwards
Paint the world in your tired colors
Break it off, let me go


~ Resplendent ~
Existing in full, yet never really there
You're as a phantom, going through motions of living
You still can't forget the words they said
I wish I had an answer for you, I really do
But I doubt you'll make it farther than this
Your self-assigned purpose is failure, you live to be broken
It's how you find your comfort, it's all you know

Your story's already written, it tells of ignorance and pain
You have no passion, you have no luster
Keep your arms raised to the sky, plead for renewal
Until then, I'll always love you


~ Marvelous Impact ~
Shining, gleaming, a dazzling star
The memories of such a sight will never leave me
I was a child, torn through tears and promises
I was convinced of a plan that I doubt now
Yet I stood up, I believed, I know the day will come

I dread it now, I fear what I can't win over
A sad song, for a life better lived alone
A broken home, scattered toys across the floor

I miss the feeling, I want to be clean
A shooting star, dancing across the night sky
Just as above is infinite, the ground stretches below
I'll run, I'll chase that shining dream
But I don't know if I'll reach it


~ Winter Scarf ~
Love me more
I reached for a window I thought was open
Searching for clouds in a TV static sky
I was desperate, convinced of a new beginning
The sun never rose, and our hearts never grew

I still remember the day when I left
All that stood was a frozen scarf, crushed by winter snow
It's always you, isn't it
Chasing nightmares for your own good
I just wish you'd come back for me


~ Look On ~
A street-smart alleycat, a lovely lady of the night
I was a tamed predator, a whore for desire
I can't stop it, no matter how much I try
I wish I could, I really do
To them, it's a vexation of vanity
To me, it's a treasure that moves me downwards


~ 1999 ~
Laughing to yourself, behind the backs of a killer
Talking to herself, like a fading animal
Beating the weak, without a shred of doubt
You have no shame, no shine, no substance, no shadow

Crying to himself, as if talking to a lover
Keeping to themselves, waiting out a chance
I won't accommodate, I don't make friends
You have no shame, no shine, no substance, no mercy
I always did hate you


~ Saintess ~
Tangled in a lack of heart
Don't worry, you've found it
You found a path that lead to ruin
I wish I could find it too

Don't lie to me, I love your hate
Sometimes, I want to tear you to pieces
Sometimes, I want to sit down and cry

Am I a saintess? Am I a prostitute?
I was to be Adam, you wanted Eve
We're ashes, feathers, fading scents
Jail me with your body, and I will too


~ Briser les Étoiles ~
It kills every visionary's movement
Those who stray are those who live
Some can't stand for the pack
Some lust for excitement
A thrill, a chase, a proper hunt

Sink your fangs into something useful
Leave me be, count me out
It will not follow, it will not lead
Yelp, scream, howl for it's sake
Names may come, and hearts will break
But I have more fun that way


~ Color Me Dizzy ~
Forever sleeping
Pierced from both sides
A scornful instinct
A set of empty eyes
Hold me in your lips
Raise me from time
I am night, and I am day
Black is white, there is no gray


~ Magic Show ~
I remember watching the stars that night
A magnificent sight flew down
Wonder and splendor, wealth and riches
The beauty of everything, be it high or low
I hold my hoarse tongue, I stretch my tail
Purrs turned to growls, I spun it aside
I wondered if it was the right thing to do
That time has passed now, how beautiful
I can only say I live for today
A forever free flashback
That is my story


~ Radio Felicia ~
Keep your lies, keep your words
Every time I hear them, my heart breaks a little more
I'm still not sure why, why I feel it, why I can't say no
You gave me light, you gave me hell
Stay away and come closer to me

You burn like sunlight, you sting like starlight
You sing like moonlight, you break like daylight
I don't think we'll ever understand each other

Keep your legs to yourself
Dye your hair a different color
I still can't say I love you


~ Asura ~
Sing to me, angel
Destroy my soul in the beauty of your bloodshed
Let your lust rule you, run off temptation
Wish on fallen stars

And to you demons, the blade you wield is misguided
A leopard cannot change it's spots
Once a killer, always a killer
I'm sure you'd know


~ Eurydice ~
There's a purpose to all that is lost
Turn back while you can
This search of yours ends in sadness
She will be lost, you will be torn
Turn back while you can
We can't afford to let corpses take us with them


~ Obsession ~
A starry mess, spread across the hall
The day you saved me was the day we fell
Harsh words are thrown back and forth
Take them for me, you're better suited for it
Don't avoid me, don't try to forget me

I just wanted to be for you, I thought I was
Maybe I shouldn't reach, maybe what you said is right
An unsharpened knife, unable to cut through the air
But I don't value truth anymore
All I wanted was you


~ Lust Removal ~
There's a fire stepping towards me
An inescapable power, burning everything in it's wake
I hope I can withstand it, I wish I was pure
Ideas, blood flowing, scratches in the skull
Dark eyes, neon lights, the body of a demoness
Hair dyed with the tears of those who fell to her touch
A perfect storm, an unstoppable force

Rising suns, piercing hearts with a six-string shotgun
Stop torturing me with your hypotheticals
Keep your dreams, keep your thoughts, you're a fool
The last thing I need is to be a showgirl like you

We're scions, melting between twilight after twilight
You know that, stop ignoring it, keep your calm
Scream and sing as much as you want, you'll never be her
I just wish I could stoop to her level


~ Spring River ~
Keep it calm, alright?
We got a late start, but it's fine
Just stay quiet, and we'll be good
Let me do my work, and you'll get your challenge
That's what we want from this, right?
Fun, a new experience, another mountain to climb
What an impulsive broad you are
It's fine, just let me take the lead
Keep me confident, I'm just as screwed as you
Don't look down, we can't lose time


~ Remaster ~
I wish I was a fair lady, married to the grasp of the night
A star on the screens of those more worthy
Lay down your anger, even if it's just this once
Wrap me in your arms, hold me in your legs
You're all I have, a sight ever fleeting
Melting in the wind
A drop of water in a sea of fire
We wished for the same thing


~ Own Tempo ~
I know I'm just a child
I know how helpless we are
Stuck in a life where living isn't the goal
Pointing at everything you want with the barrel of a shotgun
Run away from me, stop talking to me
I can't feel it, I don't have that zeal
I'm sorry for everything, but I just can't stop

Walking on the edge of a knife
Why won't you listen? Why won't you stop?
Why can't I have value to you?
I've read the words I need to read, but I still can't feel it
Who's faith is it now

Am I the seductress? Or am I being seduced?
I was destined for something
Breaking through ideals that have lost their meaning
There's no truth to be found here, there never was
I'm disappointed, you know

Respect's price is one of blood and tears
One I can't afford
Just cut off my arms, already
Make me like the toy trains that line my walls
Kill me, I know you want to
I can't stop you anyway


~ Flight Crasher ~
Tell me what's real, tell me what's fake
I won't regard it
An airplane fell today, 232 passengers dead
A 3 hour flight to Ontario, they snapped in half
I looked down at the wreckage, I saw her face
The sun and stars that led me astray
I knew this would happen

You warned me, I should've listened to you
They didn't listen to me either

Rest your wings, sunshine
It's over now, you served your purpose
I'm not sure if I valued you, but whatever the reason
I hope you're doing better than me


~ Ghost Town ~
A pitiful anger
Talking, but never heard
Listening, but never speaking
You're just a moron, a liar, a spoiled mirror
Always shouting, always barking
Overloaded with worthless hypotheticals
Hypocritical contrarianism

Derived through a lust for a greater purpose
Quit your lying, quit your acting
I'll stomp across this ragged husk of a world
I just want an apology, you know


~ Jealousy ~
There's a sight going through my head
Running, trembling, chasing
My hands are twitching, our gazes lock
I wish I could cut those lips of hers
Maybe I'll leave after all
I'll walk away, I won't overstay my welcome

Midnight's arrived, I'm unsure of it
I couldn't even look them in the eyes
I feel like the edge of my skirt is burning
Like there's a snake, bursting out of my eyes

Why am I nervous? Why do I hate you?
My debts are paid, my will's in order
I feel like I won't care
But I know I will, I know I will
No matter what I do, I still can't feel you


~ Sweetener ~
Feels like I'm always running
Like something's waiting
I wanna shine like the sun
I wanna be ruined, I wanna be violated
Thrown to the ground, cut up and sewn together
That's who I wanna be
The child left alive
The girl drowning in time
The dog stalking the waves
The life of someone I saw one day


~ Dove ~
The life of a razor, burrowing into the Earth
An immovable object of burning terror
Tearing planets apart from the inside
Sharp and brilliant, exicitingly deadly
For every life it takes, a light goes out
Until there's none left

Only the dim reflection of a magnificent blade
Shining, dazzling, horrifically beautiful
Slitting the throats of those who dared to break it
The life of a razor, burrowing into my heart


~ The End of a Life ~
Wishing to be saved, wishing to be an object
I want to be your bride, I want to be the victim
Tell me this is okay, that this feeling is normal
Words can't describe what I'd do to you otherwise

I want to be married, in an extravagant dress
Coated in the life that's drained from my eyes
It'd be fine, it'd be fun, it'd be a lovely end

Kiss me, my lady
Tell me, my darling
Why do you wish to be addicted to me?


~ Autobiography ~
Sunday evening, walking hand in hand
The night you realized I wasn't yours
I warned you, at every turn, every moment
You knew this wouldn't last long
Keep your eyes off my lips
Keep your hands off my hips
Break these frail arms of mine, ruin me
Wipe off the stains left by our lipstick
Are you drowning in alcohol, or drowning in me?


~ Rating ~
What did you see? When did you wake up?
What should I draw today? How are you doing?
I wonder, in my fullmetal heart
How long this mundanity will go on for
You're boring, you're predictable
You're all the same, spouting tiresome platitudes
Words I don't care less about

I'd rip this paper if I had the chance
When I'm with you, I feel like I'm somewhere else
Somewhere bright, somewhere clean
How painful, how truly painful
I don't dislike you, but I won't fit in

You lot don't make for good time wasters
I'm Winter's whore, Summer's maiden, Autumn's wife
A wolf larger than life, and lower than hell
I couldn't care less about you rats


~ No Promises ~
I'm not sure how I want things to continue
Or if I want them to continue at all
Put away your hopes, strike down your dreams

I refuse to live as a projection
I refuse to exist as a vessel of your own words
Branded with the goals of the one who chained me
It's a disgusting thought

When the time comes, will I save you?
Don't be so sure of yourself
I'll never forget the words you said, the things you did

Beat me, bruise me, slash me, slay me
Rip through the necks of those I loved
Stomp on the mercy I was willing to show
Every step I take back, you pull me down

I can't promise you anything
I never agreed to anything


~ Ashes to Dust ~
Wrapped in rainfall and gentle tears
We never made a sound, as we watched the stars
Every night, we'd lay there
Arm in arm, hand in hand
Your eyes would pierce into mine
And whenever they did, I felt something
A stinging sort of feeling

I just don't get it, you know
Why you'd cling onto me for dear life
I told you, I'm not the type to care
And I know you aren't either

But it felt nice, you know
It felt nice to hold you in my arms
If just for a little while

All I can do now is watch the stars alone
They really got you good, didn't they?
And every time I look back
Every time I remember your face, I realize
That stinging feeling
You were right about it
It was love


~ Badgers ~
A line that stretched across the sky
Passed a sailing ship gone by
It caught the eyes of all onboard
And when that line began to fade
The night passed right into the day
And everyone fell off to the shore
Tearing bottles off the walls
Throwing bullets through the halls

A simple disarray of mind
An easy wasting of my time
And when the line comes back again
I'm sure this dawn is gonna end
And if it does
I'll be the first to leave


~ Pearl Necklace ~
A scene that has no similarities
Too blinded by your ideals to see the difference
A one-track mind, no self control
No temperance, no care, no resolutions
It's my fault, it's always my fault

Forget your answers, forget all of them
Just listen to me, just see me
Treat me like what I was meant to be
I've never felt so small before
You may have the advantage, but I have a heart
A cheap imitation, but a heart still
Worry about your value while you lower mine


~ After Dark ~
Blurry skies and wilted eyes
An endless call with no purpose
It's only 9 AM, and I already have this feeling
My arms feel like anchors at my sides
This headache just won't end
It's days like these when I feel hated
It's days like these when I feel useless
It's days like these when I feel wasted
Just a worm,
trying to make sense


~ Black Cats ~
A door that made noise, every time it opened
That's what I once was
Scraping against the hinge of long-lost words
Promises never kept
I realized something as time went on
Not every street needs to have a name
Cracked and broken, walked on for years
It still exists, I find it beautiful

There's something intoxicating about crashing
Failing, screaming, dying
A thorny rose I can't rip myself away from
I don't need to, I know that now
Live a little stronger, go a little faster
The road waits for no one, and neither do I

I don't have to fly, I'm okay with falling
As long as I touch the sky, I think it'll be alright
Perhaps I'm misguided
I won't live through this, I don't have long
But I saw the stars, and that means something


~ A Girl in Yearly Blossom ~
Hours spent with a radio blaring
Idle talk, idol talk
Words like stuffed animals
Makeup dripping from her eyes
Who hurt you, rebel
What's your story, if you have one
Between the lines on your skin,
there's a meaning somewhere
You won't show it to me
And that's okay, I won't show you either
Just dance for me


~ Upwards ~
It's bright, it's bright
I'd shoot the sun if I could
Take it away, it burns, it stings
I don't feel it, you know
No amount of shaded plastic can stop it
And I hate it for that
I'd rather be away, distracting myself

Learning how to breathe when you're drowning
How to see without a skull
Slow-dancing in the middle of a thunderstorm
I could go onward
But I prefer to go backward
My skin's burnt, and my hair's frayed
But I don't think I regret it
I just wish it could be different
Maybe I do regret it


~ Entrance Maker ~
There's only one of you, you're a poison
Swayed by the scent of lush perfume
And I like it that way
You're our dog, our pet
A boy who just can't look away
I'm not like the others, you said
You said you knew me, you said it all
Let's see if that's correct
I've already blossomed
Hanging from the hand of a claw machine
Kneel for me


~ Snowstorm ~
You're so graceful, so beautiful
Lovely in red, lavish in black
How extravagant, how splendid
Spread your petals, spread your petals
How marvelous, how magnificent
Take me away in your gleam
Wrap me up in your shine

So bright, it's all so bright
Dazzle me, impress me
Click your heels one last time
Sparkle, sparkle
One more time, one more time
How pretty, how sweet
A flawless sky


~ Fuzz Pedal ~
I never asked to meet it
To be the piece
It's hard to keep up with words
Stories I didn't want to hear
I'm falling asleep
It's so complicated, so immature
I shouldn't have to die for it

Couldn't someone else take this up?
Was I really the most suitable?
I need to learn how to keep my hands closed
Every hour, every minute
Another meeting
Lift your head to the ground
Keep still


~ Telecaster ~
Papers passed me by like clouds
Lifestyles, mindsets, kind words
Hurt and pain, love long lost
That's what I missed out on
I want to live that way
I want to live backwards
Like a record in reverse
Like steam funneling down
It's like an ocean, a mountain
Immovable, unconquerable

You can't swim against the tide
You can't afford to fail the climb
I want to live that way
To see those words for my own eyes
Living through beauty
Connection, strung together by eyes of wonder
I want to live backwards

Living through silence
Dreaming while awake, held by a lover
But it's over now, and it's probably okay
My eyes were stitched shut
But I don't need to open them now
I'll just live forwards

Moving too fast for time to keep up
Haunted by regrets, burnt by opportunities
Yet clinging to uncertainty
A rope laced with thorns
It's painful, it's tearing at my wounds
There's nothing that will happen now
But I suppose I can settle
I want to live that way

I'll try to live forwards


~ A Bridge, Not an End ~
Why is the air so cold now?
Hello, hello, hello
Writing across an iced over city
Skating, a crescent moon
Laying by the riverside, I watched you
You passed, you laughed like an angel
You're beautiful, you're beautiful now
You thought I'd stay the same
Oh no, oh no, it's the same
It's the same for them, but not for me

I saw you again, the other side of the train
Where were you headed? Who was she?
Who are you? Didn't you say that yesterday?
You're desirable, that's for sure
A sun for everyone but me

Dancing across electrical wires
That's not how I told you to live
That's how I live, not you
I was impaled the other day
It feels like it's twisting me
I don't want to hurt you

It feels like the touch I felt that day
The day I saw you laughing
Your eyeliner pouring down your face
You can dazzle, I can't dance
What a pathetic excuse of an actress
Who was the one who slashed at me?
Where did these bruises come from?
Surely you'd know, surely you'd care
Now I'm just a framed picture

Stand across from me, in a sea of crowds
I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful now
You're beautiful too, I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you
My hand clings to the fencing
Are you sure that grasp will last?
When I saw you laughing, laughing
Laughing like an angel

Who said no that day? Was it me, or you?
The city's crumbling
I drew it all, and it killed me
I've finally risen to the street
It's beautiful, it's beautiful
So beautiful, so beautiful
I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful now
You're beautiful too, I love you
I love you, I love you, I love you
Beyond the bridge, beyond the riverside
We won, you won
I love you, I love you, I love you


~ Sleepy Bird ~
Electric deceiver, weaver of lies
You've betrayed who you thought you were
How gloomy, so gloomy
Paint your metal wings in a dying cloud
Wrap yourself in the steel of your will
I'll dig my talons in

Into the worthless ground below
Catching mice and chasing snakes
Tell me what happened to my beak
When did it become this sharp?
I feel like my circuits are snapping

We just can't see anymore
I just can't sleep anymore
Electric liar, violently vicious
Keep yourself, let me speak for you
We hurt everyone we find, that's what a huntress does
I just can't seem to get started
We can never seem to get started
Go faster, go faster, we're flying
Fly high, steel wings


~ Stingray ~
Once I thought it, twice I'll say it
I never chose to be spoken to
How pitiful, that now sound ever played
The music box you tried to open was rotted
Winding and rambling like a drunken husk
But the waves crash against the rocks again
I'll say it three times, four I spoke it
I don't know what love is, and neither do you
But that's what makes it beautiful

A beauty we all share, yet can't comprehend
The only trouble is that I can't reach it
But I can see it, for all it's glory
The water's tainted with my rays
But I'm sure someone will swim through
Though, I hope it's not you
I hope it's the one to lead a brighter tomorrow


~ Great Stellar ~
You think you're close, don't you
Try to keep yourself, don't get excited
You wouldn't know it if it spoke to you
I just don't want to talk to you
I should lay more razorwire down
It keeps insects like you away from me

Just what do you want me to say? Really?
Should I sympathize? I don't want to
Get out of my sight already
You're farther than you'd ever know
We aren't the same, and we never will be
I'm sick of your psyche
Count me out


~ Zenaide Ivakina ~
Caressing your worries with a gentle kiss
You blossom over the ice like a demoness
You used to intimidate me, but now, I can't look away
I'll try to be a better person, I won't fall asleep
I want to watch you, I want to witness it
To see you stand against the dead, freezing air

Take me to that place you like to go to
Where the stars sparkle bright, and hang so low
Where the water cascades into a sleeping blizzard
And where we can move in any way we want
Twirling and spinning without a care in the world

I'm still not quite sure how you do it
But it's beautiful, watching you glide across that lake
I know you'll protect me, you'll dry my tears
Even if you're silent, you'll wait for me
We'll look into each other's eyes, and say it,
that we found something special after all,
that everyone else was wrong about us


~ Drunk Missionary ~
Ride high or die low, live by the sword
Waking up on the right side of the tracks
I scratch at the door like a filthy animal
It's a beautiful sight, isn't it?
Ironic, erotic, even
You like seeing me like this
Just close the window already, keep the air in
I won't even make a sound for you
Fabric cleaving at an end like a tyrant
Buzzing and humming, it's rough, it's too loud
Whisper something softer as a replacement
Isn't it just disgusting to you?

Rolling through an act you said you hated
Yet you're crying, you're shaking
I hate it too, I very much hate it
It's a noise greater than many waters
Freezing in the warmth of a sandy grave
You're a kicked puppy, that's for sure
I'll make up for the time I spent


~ Sonder ~
The man with an umbrella walking on the street
There's not a house in sight around here
I wonder what he's doing out like this
Did he go somewhere? Or is he leaving?

The girl with darkened make-up, humming a song
You looked at me, only to keep your gaze down
You kept staring at that screen, sighing deeply
Your eyes were red, and your neck was black

The child in the store, looking for his mother
How sad, how unfortunate, how hopeless
Innocently reunited with the one he lost
I wonder if he'll remember this day tomorrow

The absent-minded cashier, idly working away
He speaks loudly to the women in the store
I didn't like the way he looked at me
Can you step away from me? I hate you

The aggressive dog tied around the lamp-post
Barking tirelessly, waiting on someone, somewhere
His tail's still wagging, day after day
But why were you left there in the first place?

The man with the voice, shouting out his ideals
Riding around in a show of disregard
Claiming the words he says are right to him
Tell me if you will, is this what you wanted?

The woman with the face, screaming for justice
You aren't what you once were, I don't really care
Melting into another suit, you're a warning sign
Tell me if you will, is this what you wanted?

The process is very easy to understand, in theory
But no one can remind me of what goes on behind me
Moved by the whims of the sun and the clouds
Tell me if you will,
why is it me?


~ Waking Up at Midnight ~
What's there means the world to me
Waiting beside it, someone will read it
I hope they will, at least
Talking behind closed doors
That same feeling is back again
But I'm not wasting time,
that's not the kind of person I am
I'm just doing something new for myself
A little experimentation

I thought I couldn't die from it
The noise coming off the waves
But it's not that bad anymore
I learned to become a guillotine
Or at least, I think I did
I wonder if my note is still hanging
If it's torn, or cherished
I just want to have a spot reserved next to me
A spot for my murderer

But it's fine if it never happens
My pain is a treasure
An old, dusty teddy bear
Soft and loved, yet forgotten by others
But I love it anyway, it means the world to me


~ Aim ~
Locked behind the window
Lolita cries and weeps
Outside that window, it's cloudy
She waited and waited,
weeks, months, years
But when the rain finally came
She felt robbed, somehow
She wanted to be the end
Yet she only fulfilled a means
She thought it was easy
So she waited again, and again
Goodbye rainy day, cry later
How easy, Lolita said,
The rain came back to her eyes
But the feeling never arrived
It was what said goodbye
She just never really noticed
She's waiting again, waiting,
how easy, to see the rain
Goodbye, Lolita, goodbye
You became an end


~ Hedonism ~
I wasn't trying, I was just asked for the job
It's not my fault at what's on the floor
Look at her, look at what happened
She gave me these marks, she wanted the same
I'm not trying to shift the blame or anything
I'm just stating that I'm innocent, really
Maybe I'm not suited for this job
But again, she asked me for this, it was harmless
I just didn't think I'd go through with it
We wanted to see spots
Maybe I'm not as harmless as I thought


~ Cloudy Day ~
A mutual misunderstanding
I remember the night I started raining
Was it worth it, that satisfaction
The feeling of being on top of the world
Was it right? You don't seem to think of it
Condemning those for the very same sins
A disgusting tradition

But you've forgotten it, or have you really
I could write you a thousand letters
Sing you a thousand songs
I could paint the sky in how many colors I choose
But you'll never listen to the message
The apology I so crave is just a dream
I asked time and time again, you said it never mattered
You told me off, you showed your true colors
You want me to hear you, when you can't even listen
I stay away by choice

You just don't know me, I think
And I know why this has happened
You used to know yourself, you used to hurt yourself
And now you see me as you
A disgusting hybrid

Tiresome, it's all just so tiresome
I got what I wanted, I know how to torture you
I know when you lie, those tears were fakes
It's hard to fight the instinct
You make it all too easy, with every word you speak
With everything you said, with everything I lacked
Simply put, I am an animal


~ Nail Polish ~
I just don't know where the time went
Looking back, I should've done more
A lawn, a house, a set of complacency
Maybe it was just fake, or lazy, or useless
But for as much as it hurt me, somehow,
I felt some sense of comfort
I used to dream of how it could be better
Somewhere along the line, I stopped

I'm just taking a look at the bigger picture
Stepping back, for better, or for worse
There's something I want to recapture
Those days, staring out at the sunburnt sky
Wishing to be let out, just once
Now, I don't even have a street to watch
Just towers in my way
Maybe that's for the best
Something's just testing me, maybe
But I really can't shake the feeling,
the feeling of knowing you'll never be the same
I became something new, while never changing


~ In My Way ~
I heard a noise today, in the room above mine
A nostalgic sound, one I haven't heard in years

Ice cold frequencies, scraping through metal
Clashing into a harsh and vigorous scream
The words of someone who had simply gone too far
Words never once mentioned in that book
So why were they recited to me anyway?
Day after day, strained against a plastic edge
The smell of burnt cigarettes and dead ash

I would hear their voices, only if one was there
When they were both home, I'd just plug my ears
I never said that, I never did that
Did I laugh that day? Did I spill that water?
Who cares, whether or not I'm guilty
I'd just turn to my lights, and sleep it off
A ruin that built me, how do I live beyond it


~ Hypoxia ~
At this point, I'm not sure who's in charge here
I don't believe in imbalances, but I don't mind this
To be heard every minute, watched every second
As long as I get to feel like I belong, it's okay
I don't think I did that much for you,
and I'm not sure why you value it so much
All I know is that you've trapped me now

To be perfectly honest, I don't mind anymore
Just treat me like a lover, not an object
Fall asleep in my arms, make my body bleed
Just make sure I can do the same, at least once
Or maybe it doesn't matter at all
Please, for my sake, just say you love me


~ Izu Skyline ~
I can't bear to see you like this
You promised to freeze my tears, and yet,
your very own still run like rivers
Look around you, darling
The sun, the air, the trees, the sea
Waltzing through the motions of the sky above
When colors can't change, when eyes can't see
It's an imperfection

Neither hot nor cold, black nor white
I think we both know we won't be saved
But even still, through every bump in the road
You're still the most beautiful thing I know

Blood's running down your tired lungs
Your eyes hang lower than fog
And your wounds are redder than lipstick
It's wonderous, a miracle to me
I'll never know why you settled for this
We're doxies, damsels, despised by all
But crying is still beautiful, in my opinion
You're a fallen angel, but an angel still


~ Appearance ~
Tuesday, spent almost four hours outside
I had my picture taken, for some reason
I can't particularly remember why
Sitting in a room, the chatter of those beside me
So many people who look so beautiful
A movie I've seen twenty times before
It's just as good as last time, but I missed the start

The name I hate was spoken in front of me today
A strong, spiritual saying, they said
Not a name I'm proud of, to be honest

The words of a woman I don't know the name of
She was scary, but polite too

Someone glancing away, eyes turned to the ground
She looked like everything I've grown to live without
I couldn't help but remember the notes I had played
To give up on that dream, to shed my frail skin
To be new, to be beautiful, to be like her

Perhaps I wanted comfort, perhaps I wanted control
So I lied, I lied, and I lied
Her gaze never turned to me, not even once
The moment she walked by, I felt my nerves crack
Shivering, blistering, oozing with nostalgia
Simply put, I want to look like her

It's what I heard in passing, I don't know this girl
I just appreciate the air, the sun beating on my skin
And when the picture came back to me,
it was as bad as I expected
I looked used, drained, ruined
But I don't regret it, despite my longing
Through my tired eyes and smeared lipstick,
there was a feeling I finally got to express


~ Boredom of Six Lives ~
Rocking back and forth, back and forth
It's like there's just some sort of wind pushing it
Like a wounded fox running to it's den, I wonder
What drives one singular person to do this?
Roars bellow from it like a lion to the slaughter
I just can't get it out of my head

When you have time to waste, you become reckless
Playing games, playing hearts, playing roles
The grass is swept up by the breeze once again
Battered and bruised, the beasts tread ground
How boring, let's switch that up

I can't help but feel like it's all a game
It is, I do it for pointless fun
But I think I really am just stuck to an act
Maybe even an addiction, considered as much
Passing travelers may watch on in disgust
But I want them to know I feel the same way

I can't even tell if this is from the heart
I just know that I should probably stop
After all, it could collapse any minute
It's best to leave the dragon sleeping
There are better things to do


~ Thunder ~
Going through phases, there's a look
Just not what should be there for people
Words falling flat, attitudes changing
It's like every month, a new type is introduced
I don't believe in personal consistency
To be you is to be you, no matter how many yous there are
But I don't believe in the me I am now

Let's just forget that, just a little
Dance and drink, take in eastern songs with northern love
And when the air heats up, so will our eyes
And my hair will straighten, and my skin will scar
My legs will grow, and my hands will fail
And as the acrylic melts into my fingers, I'll say it
I'll finally call out the names of every single person
It'll be glorious, I tell you

Remember what I tell you, I will one day slip out of this
Till now, my hair remains the same color


~ Complement ~
One day, a liquid shot into the paw of a dog
Barking and whimpering, the dog started walking
Town after town, city after city
It passed without a care, accompanied by music
Until it found food, it found food
As it ate, the liquid dripped out of it's paw
Pink foam rolled down it's nose, brown fur began to rot
But it never stopped eating, every day, it'd come back
The bowl it sat by never went unattended
With blistered skin and bruised paws, the dog was fed
It was just too fun, it tasted too good
Until one day, a young girl found the dog
Lying in a puddle of it's own tissue, it yelped
The bowl was empty, it had been for days
The girl walked on, pen in hand
And with a lonely look in it's melted eyes,
the dog retired it's web of lies
It flicked it's tail, and was washed away


~ Sunshine ~
One minute, building a rocket
Have you ever felt sunshine on your skin?
The way it drifts across every inch of it's reach

Two minutes, thinking on the past
I think it's strange, how we look at each other
I'm not really sure if anyone is good

Three minutes, shaking hands with sinners
Truth is just an excuse for hurt nowadays
There's no meaning behind the word, no one wants it

Four minutes, running across a highway
See how time flies by, even when you're suffering
Days turn to weeks, pain turns to hatred

Five minutes, eyes still open
I'm still wasting time, aren't I?
Thinking on an argument over something trivial

Six minutes, music ringing in my ears
Play a song for me, let it rule my head
Just keep me walking away from this place

Seven full minutes, staring at a wall
It's been hours now, and I can't get it out of my head
For the last time, tell me what I did wrong


~ Dead Ants ~
There was a diary, I found it outside
The words that were written, the words that would hide
Enriched with a sparkle, and shedding a tear
What everyone laughed at, what everyone feared

She lived in a castle, made out of wool
She tried to ignore it, she looked a fool
She'd give out an answer, she'd stand out and bleed
They'd go out and beat her, and take it for free

And every day whisked out the window
And every time it was her fault
And every sight was just a vision
A final will not kept at all

She told me her name now, it stung on my lips
Her body's like water, with lines on her wrists
She went to a school there, and lost both her eyes
The doctors were busy, with books and the sky

Believing in others, not believing at all
I've seen it myself now, the way they would fall
A swine good for nothing, worth the same as the ground
A gift unto no one, you've done it now

And every day fell out the window
And every time she said a lie
For every word that she had spoken
For every word that wasn't right

And every day there was a blackout
And every time she broke her hands
And every knife was raised in anger
Sawing her teachers right in half

I think I've seen now, what happened again
Accessible answers, a way to make friends
I looked down at her neck, strangled and bruised
It was done to be righteous, it was done for the truth


~ Habit ~
My hands can't even hit the strings
Endlessly waving for notes I can't reach
I find the sound to be annoying at best
But really, what's a girl to do?

It doesn't matter if there's intimacy
Rays still beat down on our eyes, pulsing
Though our hearts may fail, and our legs may quiver
We're still incapable of ripping ourselves away

Do you remember the promise we made?
I was the princess, and you were the hero
We failed, we never reached that dream of stardom
We were just children looking at the stars

You said you'd save me one day, so I wait
Some days, I stare out my window, looking for your face
Other days, I curse the day you left, spiteful
I know you're only human, but it was nice, being with you

Wherever you are now, just turn to me once
Remember what we started, come back to me
Or at the very least, through everything that divides us,
stay the person I loved all those years ago


~ Welcome Home ~
I still find myself thinking about their faces
And this cough I've had still hasn't gone away
I just wonder if it's worth it, speaking, that is

As notes arch upwards, I find myself in the same spot
A position as familiar as these torn-up stockings
But there it goes, saying things it shouldn't

Sometimes, it's better not to speak at all, really
Years of air, wasted at my fingers, visciously
It's just funny, how much I wish I sounded like them
But my voice can't reach high enough, it falls down
Not every word needs to have a purpose in a speech

Sometimes, all you can do is walk away
The inability to think about one single thing,
is nothing but a cursed disease

That being said, despite all my shortcomings
I found a place to return to, even when I'm alone
Though superficial and engineered, it makes me think
Through all the noise and screaming, it thinks too

If I'm no better than those I hate,
if I'm as obnoxious as those I look down on,
then I apologize, as much as my heart can
I'll learn to tear myself

A possibility I only thought of now
I wanna be up on stage too, I wanna be there
To feel the splash of glitter and hatred

I am living in a way no one intended me to live
And I hate it, but it's hard to get rid of
So every night, I think of ways to kill it
And I'm taken back to that town

With gentle grass, and lazy-looking clouds
I can walk down the streets, alone, and unharmed
Floodplains and railways, buildings and brick
A warm welcome home, the song of a girl twelve years ago


~ Spikenard ~
I find my skin blistering often
Nine years ago, I made a mistake
I became an addict, an animal
I have stayed this way

I find my hair falling over my eyes often
But it's just too much now
If I could just cut out my eyes, I would see

It happened many times, how exciting
I was a burden to one, an outsider to another
There was one who left without notice
There was another, I was simply a dog in heat
With what I have now, I've become a leaf
Or at least, in some way, I've become a leaf

I just want to be a rose one day
Or maybe an angel, an angel would be nice
I'll snap this rope, one day


~ Breed ~
Ringing through my ears, there's a silver lining
I can only grip my sword, walking back
Staring down the barrel of a gun
My back is turnt to the blazing black sky

I've found a fault in myself, a reason
A disease with no cure, a lock with no key
It's unsolvable to only me

The dog I befriended never liked me at all
And my broken TV wouldn't cut to my favorite show
What I need to do is pick at my wounds again
Tear apart that girl inside me
Look for answers where they can be found
Live simply, wholly, and respectably
But I can't do that, not yet

I can't tell anyone that I love them
Or at least, I doubt it'd be true
Because I don't believe in love


~ Pretty Song ~
Tones have shifted highter than I remember
There's a certain thing on my mind today
I looked at the face of my beloved
Withered, and forcing a smile
Time really hasn't been kind to you

Every plane must fall
And every train must reach the end of the line
I just wish I had more time
Our tears still haven't found time to dry

This town covered in ice has no place for us
We learned it the hard way, and yet,
I just want to hold it, one last time
There's an everlasting dread I feel for it
But if that ice melted, I think I'd cry

Surely, surely I've lived through this
Things no one will see ever again
How I wish I could take those years back
But my tired arms can't reach far enough

I feel like I got in late
Or maybe I never really started at all
This guitar sounds different to me now
She still can't say what she really feels
Even when it feels like things will fall apart

For every eye must see
And every wing must fail
For everyone must die,
and every tear must dry


~ Girl meets Girl ~
Falling on top of a needle, I understand
I looked and found the lies I thought I hid
Hello, my name is darling
Girl meets girl, and a bullet still fires

Every night, I have the same bad dreams
Looking up at a made-up sky, boiling in the sun
The sparkling prism that I kissed years ago
Given as a gift, it turned into my rope

Our hands tangle together, time and time again
Crushed under the wheels of a rotting steam engine
Sex and scissors, death and dust
The flowers we grew wilted by the end of the day

I became your wings, and you became my horns
Splintered at the tail, I couldn't stop biting
I remember you hated my poison, how lovely
Ravage me like a monster

I cry and whimper at every single word
But I've made it my mission to slash you in half
Hello, my name is darling


~ Nemean Lion ~
Standing still, it felt like my spine was pulling apart
Eyes open, with vision as black as night
I can't help but crave a form of vengeance
I'm not sure who it's against
I just want someone to pay

Against the will of others, I followed that ghost
I trusted in the wings of dragons
And I cried when their claws tore my body
I'm sorry

A grief left to die
Formed by a will for a plan that could never start
I only cared for myself, and I regret nothing

Like watching a dying animal, I screamed
Words I've heard, things that I would kill to die for
We'll never see them again


~ Jasmine ~
I flipped through the pages of the same old book
A candle burned beside me, jasmine-scented

I think it's odd how the most simple of actions,
can lead to the most brutal of outcomes
I read the words on those lips, they lied, they lied
They stung with the strength of a thousand horses

Forget about the feelings, leave that sight behind
My heels stay planted in the same ground as always
Indecisive, I ran away to that same old book

Even now, I can feel those words drawing closer
I read, begging for an answer

One day, the seeds I've sown will be reaped
And when that day comes, I'll strike that reaper down
I'll revel in the blood of the crops I left behind
Such strange writing, kept inside this book


~ Methodist ~
I can still remember the day, when I broke that smile
Indecision came to a boiling point
I don't think either of us ever recovered, maybe
I just didn't want to leave it alone

Now that you're down there, what can you see?
Tell me, I simply wish to know
I hope you can forgive me for what I did
Roses and tears won't fix a broken heart

Love everlasting, over, and over again
Such a powerful message, said through such tired strings
My eyes still can't even shed a tear
I realize now, it never could've happened at all


~ Spring Petals ~
Inexperienced, my trembling hands fall to my sides
Spring's subsided, the cherry-pink petals have blown away
And even when I try to grasp the most basic of concepts
I feel like they only slip through my fingers

Even through all my faults, I will never love you
I'll curse the day we crossed paths
Like a rogue wave on the edge of the shore
I found myself swept up in my old ways

That same blade is slipping past me again
The shining trance I can't look away from

I'm sorry, I'm sorry for the heartache
But I assure you, I'd do everything for you,
everything for you to leave me
That cool Spring breeze has passed onwards
Scorching Summer heat blisters my skin
No matter how soft your lips may be
I'll keep myself for Winter


~ Despised ~
The blooming lillies that I was promised,
I found them withered on the ground today, flat
My words were reckless, still too fast for myself
I want to end this before it starts
I want it to end, this is for risk's sake

I won't say sorry for anything I cause
I will not cry, I will not weep
I wish you would just let these feelings go
I have better things to turn my attention to
You wouldn't know that, would you?

Two brides, wed in tandem with each other
Watch as the rings slip off their fingers
Surely, one would think it strange to see
The lillies were never withered, really
They were cut up by the scissors that slashed their stem

I broke her feeble heart the moment she saw me
A tongue like melted ice
To be so dedicated, to be so tender-hearted
Even still, you're far away from me

How many touches must I take before I feel anything?
There was no luster to lose, it's worthless
I'm too caught up in the world around me
In the life of an image that's falling down
Kiss me all you want, ravage my body
But I won't feel anything, I can't feel anything


~ Today ~
Another day, another struggle
Suffering through the laughter of the fools around you
Sifting through reasons to keep you by my side

I need to learn how to say no
Running too fast, too fast for ourselves to decide
I was cursed by the rush of recklessness
And I've paid the price

My words, my questions, every look of lust I give you,
it's a lie, and you know that well
I should've never said what I confessed that day

With every bitter joke, I remember the wall between us
Unable to even speak a single word of sadness
I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready


~ Sunburn ~
If I had the will, I would take apart this needle
And I would use it to tear apart this place
If only I knew how to get it out of myself
I should kill the things I've learned to love
There's no good to be found here, no, not one

Look up at them, in all their painted glory
Oh, how I could be violated the same way they are
An idle thought, an idle mindset
Oh, how I could cut apart their ample chests

Burn, burn, my lovely fixation
For every second of pleasure lies one lifespan of hell
Is it worth it, to watch your morals fail?
The dog I once was has become faded and disappointed

I can only sigh, as the feeling passes through again
Every time I look at it, I can't help but feel disgusted
It's funny, how wild we become for such a short time
I've forgotten what I was trying to tell you
But this heel-shaped needle still hurts

I will murder you, I will murder this lust
Crushed under the heel of a fleeting passion
I want to grow as cold as the arctic
I want to point this barrel at the world around me
At the dregs and whores that created me
But I only know how to point it at myself


~ Solstice ~
I defiled myself for your pleasure
I watched as the wound in my chest opened once more
You laughed, and smiled, and gave me that same look
I remember what you told me
How I was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen

I'm no savior, no saintess, no sense of self control
I'm just selfish, holding onto an image, a chance
The hatred we have for each other is dense, palpable
Every time I smell your perfume
A part of me dies

You defiled yourself for my pleasure
Promising protection, understanding, weakness
You frowned, and said I wouldn't smile
I just want to keep you for myself, forever
A spite kept blazing by the coals of despised love
I want you alone, but I won't leave you alone

You don't get a say in this anymore
You're withered, unstable, feeble and powerless
I will pick you up, I will fix you
And I will break you


~ Between My Eyes ~
Another airplane, drawing lines in the sky
I remember the words my parents would say
Fearful chants of burnt metal and scorched air
I can look back, and I smile sadly

Love and forgiveness aren't natural feelings
They're gifts I haven't recieved yet
And so, whenever I hear those repeated melodies
The figure of a lady against the bright sea
I can look back, and I smile sadly

The friends I once had have turned to stone
But I'll always remember the look in their eyes
The strength they had on the day that they left

Have I found you? Or am I tied to the tracks that saved me?
Torn under the wheels of magnificence
Clinging to the dust underneath my feet
I can look back, and walk away without a word

Poem Index...

- Mayashiro

- Blackboard Eraser

- Owlie

- Whisper

- Sun Riser

- cherry

- Lucy

- Resplendent

- Marvelous Impact

Click on the names to read the poems.

Page 2

Page 2...

- Winter Scarf

- Look On

- 1999

- Saintess

- Briser les Étoiles

- Color Me Dizzy

- Magic Show

- Radio Felicia

- Asura

 Page 1           

Click on the names to read the poems.

Page 3

Page 3...

- Eurydice

- Obsession

- Lust Removal

- Spring River

- Remaster

- Own Tempo

- Flight Crasher

- Ghost Town

- Jealousy

 Page 2           

Click on the names to read the poems.

Page 4

Page 4...

- Sweetener

- Dove

- The End of a Life

- Autobiography

- Rating

- No Promises

- Ashes to Dust

- Badgers

- Pearl Necklace

 Page 3           

Click on the names to read the poems.

Page 5

Page 5...

- After Dark

- Black Cats

- A Girl in Yearly Blossom

- Upwards

- Entrance Maker

- Snowstorm

- Fuzz Pedal

- Telecaster

- A Bridge, Not an End

 Page 4           

Click on the names to read the poems.

Page 6

Page 6...

- Sleepy Bird

- Stingray

- Great Stellar

- Zenaide Ivakina

- Drunk Missionary

- Sonder

- Waking Up at Midnight

- Aim

- Hedonism

 Page 5           

Click on the names to read the poems.

Page 7

Page 7...

- Cloudy Day

- Nail Polish

- In My Way

- Hypoxia

- Izu Skyline

- Appearance

- Boredom of Six Lives

- Thunder

- Complement

 Page 6           

Click on the names to read the poems.

Page 8

Page 8...

- Sunshine

- Dead Ants

- Habit

- Welcome Home

- Spikenard

- Breed

- Pretty Song

- Girl meets Girl

- Nemean Lion

 Page 7           

Click on the names to read the poems.

Page 9

Page 9...

- Jasmine

- Methodist

- Spring Petals

- Despised

- Today

- Sunburn

- Solstice

- Between My Eyes

 Page 8           

Click on the names to read the poems.