Q: what inspired you to make a neocities page?
i think i just wanted a place to vent. 2021 was the year i technically started this site, and it was also a very bad time in my life, and i guess i thought i needed a space where i could just let off steam about it. so, when i first saw neocities, i took it as an opportunity to make my own space for myself.
Q: i feel like personal sites are an extension to our souls. what have you gained or lost by being able to solidify all the shit going on in your head into an organized place that other people can see?
good fucking question. i'll be honest, i dont think i gain that much. there are times when this site feels more like a personal obligation, rather than anything that actually helps me as a person. i keep doing it anyways, though. i probably gain something from keeping this site, but idk what it is yet. who knows, maybe i just like putting code together.
as for what i've lost, i think its even harder to connect with people now. when you put your pain on full display, people eventually start forgetting there's a person behind that pain too. many a time has someone emailed or dm'd me, asking to have some "deep" conversation about me, while simultaneously ignoring any of my own personal boundaries. i don't like being treated like some spectacle.
Q: how do you feel about the internet now compared to how it used to be?
i don't know. i do think that the internet now is much more centralized, restricted, and corporate, but i've never really cared about it much. like yeah, twitters bad and the people there suck, but the mainstream-ification of the internet has never really hindered me from enjoying what i like or doing what i want.
the way i see it, the internet only changed for others. for me, its always been the same.
Q: besides 3, what is your favorite persona game?
persona 4, its a game that means a lot to me. the plot, cast, themes, and aesthetics all really resonated with me. i did play golden first though, so the gameplay was a bit too easy. still one of my favorite games ever.
Q: what if there was like blue velvet cake its like red velvet cake but its blue do you think that would be cool
it would be so awesome... it would be so cool...
Q: any advice you would give someone trying to make a personal website?
dont. its not worth it.
ok but in all seriousness, just make what you want, and try not to feel pressured by other peoples sites. idk.
Q: Do you have any recurring motifs in your dreams?
i have about three weird motifs that show up in my dreams from time to time. violence, arguments, and shopping. i can see why the first two would be there, but i have no fucking clue why i keep dreaming about shopping.
also, whenever i have any dreams involving one of these three motifs, it always takes a bit of time for me realize they were just dreams too. hm.
Q: Is there anything that you attach a personal sense of symbolism to?
a lot of things, actually. probably too many to even list here, tbh. ill just talk about one thats pretty simple, pretty interesting, and means a lot to me.
i associate windows with unreachable standards, and futures that will never be. when i was about 12, i moved into a house on a pretty busy street. my room had a window where i could see down the whole street. when things got bad, i would look out of it, and just daydream. id see a lot of stuff there. sometimes, id see teens walking home from school with their friends, and id wish to myself that i could down there with them. id see birds flying around, and id wish that was out there, flying with them.
sometimes, id gaze down the very end of the street, and daydream about what could possibly be down there. id look into some of the smaller, more distant houses, and id wonder what kind of people live there. and every evening, id get an amazing view of the sunset. it was just so pretty.
that window gave me a lot of comfort, and a lot of pain. many days did i spend just staring out there, wishing i could be anywhere but inside my room. it made me think of things i didnt have, things i would never have, etc. it was just very bittersweet.
Q: How would you describe your relationship with writing in a public space like your site?
complicated, but mostly positive. i was pretty scared to post my writing here at first, because i thought it was too amateur-ish and cryptic. eventually, i caved in though, and im kinda glad i did. while i still sometimes feel pretty self-conscious and overly critical of my poetry, it also makes me happy knowing that people can now finally read it and connect with it. theres some people who really find comfort in my writing, and i think thats pretty cool.
the one downside to all of this though is that now i have to avoid writing more bitchy or risque poems. gotta keep it semi-family friendly??
Q: Favorite coffee or tea?
black tea with honey in it, its very comforting and nostalgic to me.
Q: How do you feel about the increase in attention toward your site?
its pretty cool, i guess?? i never thought id even get to 100k views, let alone 200k, so seeing it happen now is pretty surreal. i know neocities clout means nothing, but it makes me feel happy to know more people
are seeing my site and finding comfort in it.
Q: pineapple pizza yes or no
no.
Q: Do you have a favorite dinosaur?
plesiosaurs are so badass.
Q: What do you think of Persona 3 Reload?
good game, but it lost a lot of the original games difficulty and darker aesthetics. FES is still the better experience imo.
Q: What do you mainly take your inspiration from when writing poetry?
a few things, really. usually, i take inspiration from events that have happened in my life, thoughts ive had before, or concepts that i find interesting. sometimes though, ill just write random phrases off the top of my head, and loosely string them together. other times, ill challenge myself to write within certain restrictions, and see what i come up with.
Q: opinions on yuri
best DDLC girl.
Q: what's your main inspiration for your illustrations? are there any artists that inspire you?
im not really an art person, so i dont really have any inspirations at all. i make art for this site because i want the site to look nice, and thats it. i dthink arts cool, but i wouldnt say i really draw or engage with art. i do have experience with pixel art, though.
most of the art here on this site are just sprites i drew based off official persona 3 promo art anyway. they arent "original" illustrations, just inspired and heavily modified ones. that being said, violet's sprite on the writings page is fully original, and it took me way too much time to make. im really proud of it, though. i didnt think it would turn out as good as it did, since it was actually the first fully custom sprite i've ever done. the portrait on my about page is also fully original, and its one of my favorite sprites here.
also, the whole blue/black/white color scheme i use is just because i think it looks cool.
Q: what's a fun fact about yourself?
i once did a recording of me reading one of those roleplay asmr scripts. not my finest moment.
